Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Hey, STUPID?!?!

Yeah, you, in the run away Prius.
I'm getting sick of you guys.
Especially reading that you are 61 years old, which in my eyes, is old enough to know better.
In your 61 years, all you've learned to do in the face of an emergency is USE YOUR CELL PHONE?!?!
Are you kidding me?!?!?
Now, you're not only behind the wheel of a speeding car that you obviously don't know how to operate, you're on the phone too?!?!
This could all send me in to a tailspin about mounting proof that the Baby Boomers are the most no-account generation we've seen in a long time, nut I'll try to stay on course.

Listen, even though this high-tech piece of crap seems to have a mind of its own, believe it or not, you're not just along for the ride.
(I can't believe I even have to say this)
Before making a phone call, or thinking, "Who do I sue?" why not at least try to maintain control of your vehicle.
You are, after all, the driver.

Why shifting in to neutral isn't a gut reflex the minute a motor revs without you personally feeding it fuel is a mystery.
Disconnect the revving motor from the transmission, dummy.
THEN...and this may sound crazy....use the emergency brake?
While you were fumbling for your phone, or trying to find your place in the latest "Itunes presents The Works of Tom Clancy" your little plastic car got away from you.
Now, I don't know about you, but in my book this constitutes an emergency.
Just the sort of thing that little lever, manually connected your rear brakes, is for!
It even says so in the name.
Go on, just pull it.
Pull the lever....what's the worst that could happen?

You know, if I wasn't me and reading this, I'd be apt to think, "Sure, easy for you to say. You've never...."
But wait.
I have.
I once drove down rt. 128 from Weston, MA to Adams ST. in Braintree, MA (Google map that if you want) with no brakes.
By "No brakes" mean, nothing.
I won't explain, but if you know how a single master cylinder works, you know what I mean.

At the time, I was a third of your age & managed to make it the 20 odd miles with nothing but neutral and the emergency brake.

It wasn't my first and certainly not the last "Auto Crisis" (there's been a few broken throttle return springs...you want to talk "Sudden Acceleration?") yet, I'm still here to call you a "Fucking Pansy."

1 comment:

Natalie said...

I've been known to drive around with the emergency brake on...JUST FOR FUN. Can't seem to get enough of that burning smell.