Wednesday, February 18, 2009

New job, new euphemism

I should have known that this new job would bring a whole new crowd of people I just don't get & vice versa.
Maybe I'm just surprised it took 3 days before I started getting the "Your weird" looks from people who spend their free time watching others do things like "Dance with stars" & purposely dress like their favorite sports heroes.
I'm pretty sure it started when someone asked me if I'd seen some movie (I forget what it was already) that apparently everyone in the world but me has seen.
When I tried to politely explain (again) that I really do live under a rock they just didn't seem to get it.
After fielding several questions like, "You don't watch football?" and "You don't listen to Nicklefudge?" (Or whoever....names of bands I'm not in to mean nothing to me) I finally said,"Look, I'm 36 years old & I've never eaten a Dorito!"
By the look on their face I might as well have just told them I performed an unnatural act with their Grandmother and a farm animal.
"You' what?" Clearly they were upset.
"I've never had a Dorito" I said again, which now caught the attention of the entire shop.
"How could you have never eaten a Dorito?" Someone else asked in a tone that implied I was lying.
"I can't get by the smell of them...they smell like feet."
Everyone seemed to be annoyed at my reason but why would I want to put something that smelled that bad in my mouth?
The whole conversation just kind of fizzled from there with everyone kind of uncomfortably scratching their heads like they just got the news NASCAR is fixed & I was left wondering how much easier life would be if I could just shut up & "Eat the Dorito."


the good captain said...

I always thought Fritos smelled like feet.

Maybe you should try Cool Ranch Doritos. Those are the shiznit...

missinglink said...

NASCAR is fixed !!??!!
My worthless advice (which you should probably ignore), an easy life is not necassarily a happy life , don`t (metaphorically) eat the Dorito.

William said...

My best sea sick vomit was fueled by a night of beer and doritos, then more beer.

Cain said...

I always thought feet smelled like feet???

Oh, and Doritos rule. Tequila, now THAT smells like feet!

Biddy said...

a. 3 days, good job at that
b. they're behind the times if they haven't voted on "dancing with the stars while dressed as they're favorite team player"
c. you should probably put the rock you hide under in your back pocket to arm yourself with when they try to force feed you a Dorito....mmm "foot", everyone wants to be first at something
d. "Just do it", um I mean "Don't do it"
e. yes I have just left the building