I thought I came up with a way to deal with the people who think I give a damn about these latest so-called "Celebrities".
The only problem is, like so many times before, I'm afraid these people just don't get it.
Here's my story.
Last night I was sitting at a table with three other people who, at this point in our lives, should know better.
In an effort to strike up some sort of conversation one of them turns to me and asks, "So, what do you think of......"
Now, for the sake of the story, I can't even remember the names of the 2 people he asked me about.
See how inconsequential they are?
I'm sure you can do the work on your own to find out who I am talking about but he was referring to some....I dunno, singer? Actor?
Some kind of celebrity couple where the guy is accused of smacking the girl around and neither one of them are Baldwins.
Anyhow, when I said I had no idea who he was talking about, someone else at the table started insisting that I not only knew who these people were, but was intimately familiar with their work.
I tried to keep my cool during all this while reassuring myself that "comfortable silence" is so much better than this "conversation".
After politely trying to explain that I not only live under a rock when it comes to this stuff but like it that way, it hit me.
I had a plan, a strategy.
This was my chance to turn the tables, as outnumbered as I was.
After what seemed like a lifetime of them volleying ideas of me secretly watching "America's Next Idol" or whatever that show is called, I saw my opening.
"So..." I said calmly, "Lux Interior dying was kind of a shock huh? Who saw that coming?"
The response I got was a resounding, "What?"
"Lux Interior" I insisted, "of The Cramps?"
"What" they seemed to say in unison.
(Here's where I really started to play up my flabbergastedness)
"You know, The Cramps? How could you not know The Cramps? Hell, they've only been around over 30 years!!!"
I knew I hit my mark when the one who started this whole thing said, while laughing at his own joke as if he had the upper hand, "I'll give you a cramp."
"Uh huh." is all I said.
I felt it was all I needed to say.
The battle was over, the war was won.
My only regret is, I don't think they realized they had even participated.